


Dark things are to be loved

by Emrys_Llyr



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mild Kink, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 04:57:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20808911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emrys_Llyr/pseuds/Emrys_Llyr
Summary: “I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret, between the shadow and the soul.”Malos’s tragedy was to fall for the man his own actions had already half-destroyed. He loved what Jin loved, he hated what Jin hated, he hated everything that had ever hurt Jin, and that included himself. Now that Mik was away, and they’d hit a dead end, for probably the first time since they met, neither Jin or Malos had anything to focus on but the rawness of their own feelings.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> At the end of their story we see a damaged nihilistic dynamic flowing between Jin and Malos that appears, amazingly, to be built on utter trust and mutual respect and a profound intimacy. A lot of water will have gone under that particular bridge and they are probably no longer lovers, as we understand it. I imagine them having abandoned ‘human sex’ after finding better ways for blades to connect, but they undeniably remain still some flavour of couple. I believe Jin and Malos as lovers fits better within some unknown earlier season of their long companionship. Malos craves atonement. Jin craves oblivion. These two can’t even think in vanilla. Perhaps Malos instigated it to try and find a way to distract Jin from his torment and get his own power-rocks off at the same time. Or maybe Jin encouraged Malos climb into his mind and body because he’s sick with loneliness.
> 
> The quote in the summary is from Sonnet Xvii by Pablo Neruda

His footsteps echoed off the metal plated walls as he walked the long passage to the control centre of the ship. The scent of woodsmoke was carried with him. He’d deliberately set fire to the old house, his journals, the photographs, in front of Azurda. Jin hardly recognised himself now. How could he go back? Feared, despised, they called people like him ‘Cannibal’. Jin was separated from the possibility of a normal life forever.  
  
The thought of having to explain to Malos was not appealing. Their only option now was to undertake the impossibly vast search for the other Aegis by themselves.  
  
“I saw the flames. I assume this means it did not go well?” The dark blade’s face is a thunder cloud. “We dragged ourselves all the way out here, to the ruin of a hovel you used to live in, for you to have a bonfire? What was the point of the titan sending you the message to meet you here?”  
  
“He claims to know nothing other than Addam sealed the Aegis away. But he knows something I’m certain. He tried to recruit me - wanted me to help him take care of Leftheria now Addam is dead.” Jin can’t look Malos in the eye. The offer had an appeal. At one time Jin would have given a great deal to live a quiet rural life in a beautiful country. If things had been different it would have been a worthwhile prospect. He sighs. No point thinking about that. If things had been different he’d be living another life with a new driver, oblivious.  
  
Malos eyes Jin suspiciously, but can’t read him behind his mask.  
  
“It’s stale-mate Malos. He was making sure I knew Leftheria is under his protection.”  
  
“Addam would have hidden her well, but we can assume it would not have been on Leftheria. And now he’s dead there’s no one to ask.”  
  
Jin nods, “Perhaps I could have pretended to accept, infiltrate, try and gather intel, but…”, as if to make the point he wearily takes off his mask, shaking out the silver-white hair, the shockingly red crystal in his forehead clearly visible.  
  
“But no one’s going to trust a flesh-eater.” Malos’s brutal tone is more insulting that Jin would have expected. Malos never mentions his broken core these days, but today was a real set back in the search to find a solution. Jin can’t blame him for being disappointed.  
  
He changes the subject, “Where are we supposed to be meeting Mik again?” Mikhail had chosen to go on reconnaissance to see what technology had been conserved from old Torna. No doubt he was having some fun too. The guy was determinedly living up to the sailor’s cliche of ‘a girl in every port’.   
  
“Tantal. Three weeks from our position.”, Malos coldly turned his back to Jin and busied himself with getting the Monoceros underway. Jin took the hint and left, struck with how hurt he felt.  
  
  
They’d been together for a decade now. When they first came together, originally Jin and Malos, and then shortly after, Mikhail, they had clung to one another as each of them tried to come to terms with their shattered lives. Despite their individual traumas, it had been an all too brief Summer, predominantly centered around helping Mik recover from his enforced condition as a blade eater. He’d grown strong and independent. They’d all had huge amounts of adjusting to do. Jin had learned to control his own now considerable abilities, Malos and he had even learned to fight together, emulating blade and driver. Now that Mik was grown, they both posed as Malos’s blades in the outside world, but when it was just the three of them, the two dark blades would readily defer to Jin’s quiet wisdom.  
  
Of the three of them, Mikhail had perhaps fared the best. Jin knew Mik still struggled with his past but his current enthusiasm for solo adventuring was heartening. Jin and Malos on the other hand had fared less well. After a few years it was evident that for Jin, becoming a flesh-eater had conferred on him almost invincible powers, but it had irreparably shattered his peace of mind. Existing in a liminal state without his driver and yet fused to her heart, meant his blade make up was stuck in an endless cycle of unrequited longing. The grief clawed at his insides continually. He bore it quietly, but over time had acquired a haunted look around the eyes.  
  
Malos had perhaps the biggest task of adjustment, losing his enormous power as the Aegis. Meeting Jin had been a both a salvation and a curse. In his desperation to get away from the influence of his driver, he confered all his empathy on Jin, but Malos’s tragedy was to fall for the man his own actions had already half-destroyed. He loved what Jin loved, he hated what Jin hated, he hated everything that had ever hurt Jin, and that included himself.  
  
While Mik was around they functioned as a family. They spent their time locating resources, technology, anything to help create a foundation from which to start making a life, find a purpose, make plans. Now that Mik was away, and they’d hit a dead end, for probably the first time since they met, neither man had anything to focus on but the rawness of his own feelings.  
  
The Monoceros made its steady way through the Cloud Sea.  
  
  
Three days into the voyage and Malos had barely spoken to Jin since their conversation in the control room. Jin still cooked for both of them, but they ate together in silence, plates propped on the maps and books Malos had scattered on the table in the dining hall. He’d had been attempting to calculate the positions of where the continental titans would have been ten years ago in the hope of working out where to start searching. Jin hated the mess but felt too wary to risk the confrontation.  
  
After this particular meal Jin got up, said goodnight and was surprised to hear Malos make an acknowledging grunt. As he passed him, he felt his hand caught by the big man. Malos didn’t suffer from the same self-consciousness that other men seemed to, he’d always been tactile. It was one of the things Jin liked about him.  
  
“I’m sorry Jin.” There is a pained look in the grey eyes. “Don’t go yet.” He pulls Jin towards him. He dares to look up into the blue eyes under the canopy of silver hair. Jin returns the pressure on Malos’s hand, grateful for the contact. Deep down Jin has always known that Malos wants him, but to be loved by the Aegis, even in his broken state, feels like flying too close to the sun. He sometimes thinks about letting it happen, willingly offering himself up to Malos’s obsession, anything to block out the pain he feels.  
  
“I’m sorry I was so mean to you the other day. I was just…”  
  
“It’s ok Malos, I know how hard it is for you.”  
  
“Sometimes I forget how hard it is for you too. I see strain you’re under, me being a shit just makes things worse I know.”  
  
It always startles Jin when Malos is compassionate, the soft look in Malos’s eyes makes Jin puzzle over the man again.  
  
Without any warning, Jin feels arms wrap around his hips and he is pulled close, the dark blade pressing his face into Jin’s stomach. A shocked sick excited feeling starts to bubble up in Jin’s gut. Malos exhales and then after a few moments collects himself, pushing Jin away again. “I’m sorry.” The big man lowers his head, looking lost.  
  
Tentatively, without really knowing why, Jin reaches out a hand and threads fingers into Malos’s dark hair. Malos shivers, then closes his eyes and leans into the ice-blade’s caress.  
  
All at once the quiet terror of the ‘what if?’, that has echoed through the years, is right here in front of them. Apart from the background hum of the ship’s engines, there is only stillness, and two men, breathing, wondering what happens next. .  
  
In the next moment Malos rises, gathers Jin into a fierce embrace, burying his face into the silver hair at the nape with a moan. Jin can’t believe how much he wanted this, Malos’s touch electrifies him, and he bends his face round to kiss Malos on the cheek, sighing as he does so. The disappointment he feels when Malos suddenly forces himself away is devastating.  
  
“I can’t” Malos’s voice breaks.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I’ll hurt you.” The way Malos says it sounds dangerous, like he is stating a fact rather than a fear. A hot mixture of desire and dread courses through Jin’s body. He knows that Malos has a deep need to feel powerful but the man clearly has no idea how to control himself. Jin casts his mind back many years to the disastrous event when Malos, still learning to separate his driver’s influence from his own wants, had almost assaulted Jin. Jin had long since forgiven him, but it appeared that Malos had yet to forgive himself.  
  
“Do you remember that time you lunged for me? You said it was like you were hungry for me?”  
  
“Yes.” Malos looks mortified at the memory. “I wanted you so much, I couldn’t stop myself from launching at you. I wanted to invade you, wreck you, consume you. It frightened me Jin.”  
  
Jin trembles at the idea of being invaded. How much he wants to throw himself into the path of Malos’s onslaught. When did that change he wonders? Perhaps the futility of longing for his connection with Lora has simply gone on for too long.  
  
“You still feel like that?”  
  
Malos looks away in shame. He nods.  
  
“I have dark feelings too Malos.” The tall man looks down at Jin in surprise, as if his own shame had not left any space for him to consider this possibility. Jin moves closer to the tall man, and rests a hand on Malos’s breast-plate, over the place where the shattered core is hidden. “I’m just as broken as you. You know I barely cope. Run me down Malos. Please. I’m so desperate for escape, respite.” He dares to rest his cheek against Malos’s chin. “I need you. What if we could work out a way to be intimate? Explore these feelings but take away the danger?”  
  
The dark blade can’t stop himself from brush his lips against Jin’s face, “You’d risk me losing control?” Malos is a hopeless mixture of uncertainty and desire.  
  
Jin looks up from under his fringe, the ice blue eyes wide with knowing, “But you want control Malos, don’t you? I could hand you that control - all of it. You could do anything you wanted to me and I would let you. You could ask me to do things and I would do them. You just have to agree that if we hit a moment that I can’t handle, you promise to stop. Immediately. We pick a word, let’s say ‘crystal’. If I say ‘crystal’ you stop. You check I’m ok, you make sure I’m not hurt. Do you think you could do that?”  
  
“So if you say ‘crystal’ I have to stop immediately?”  
  
“Yes, or visa versa” Jin smiles. Malos looks bemused. “Can I trust you Malos?”  
  
Malos nods, his eyes looking down at Jin in wonderment and disbelief. “You can trust me Jin.” Then with an elated grin, wraps his arms around Jin and backs him up to sit on the table. In one motion his grinds his hips between Jin’s thighs and bends down to crush his mouth against the ice-blades lips, thrusting in his tongue. Jin could almost sob with gratitude at the amazing heat of contact and then as his own arousal surges, with both hands, he holds Malos’s face fiercely to his mouth and returns the bruising kiss.


	2. I wanted to bring you back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jin wonders if he really can be brave enough to literally hand over control, but his own destructive desires have filled him with a new hunger for Malos, “I want you to invade me, I want you to wreck me.” He grazes his teeth against the dark blade’s chiseled jaw, “How it would feel to have you tie my wrists, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to stop you?”

Somehow they make it to Jin’s room, in a chaotic mix of walking hand in hand, stopping every so often for Malos to shove Jin against the wall so they can kiss and caress each other, and then Jin pulling away and catching his hand again, dragging him along. Finally they get to the room and Malos seems unsure all of a sudden.  
  
Jin breathes into Malos’s ear, “So do you know what you want?” He trails a tongue down from ear to the nape of the big man’s neck.  
  
Malos closes his eyes slowly in pleasure, “This is all so sudden, I can’t think where to begin. How about you - you’re the one with the know-how…ow!” Jin nips him on the earlobe.  
  
Jin wonders if he really can be brave enough to literally hand over control, but his own destructive desires have filled him with a new hunger for Malos, “I want you to invade me, I want you to wreck me.” He grazes his teeth against the dark blade’s chiseled jaw, “How it would feel to have you tie my wrists, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to stop you fucking me blind?”  
  
Malos lifts his chin arrogantly - his face an expression of pure want. Jin feels a lurch in the pit of his stomach and gulps a little. Suddenly his face is held by a strong hand and pulled in for another kiss, the dark blade’s tongue invading his mouth. Something more seems to ignite inside Malos, his kiss becoming fierce with hunger. Jin wonders if what Malos really wants is to take possession. It feels wonderful and dangerous.  
  
All at once, strong arms embrace Jin, methodically disrobe him, caress him. The sudden attention is so intense Jin’s knees feel weak. He feels trembling palms sweep up his sides and then pull his arms up so his hands are above his head.  
  
“Cross your wrists” Malos’s voice is unexpectedly soft in his ear. Jin complies. Malos uses Jin’s belt to tie them firmly. “Keep your arms up.”  
  
He prowls around Jin, trailing hands across his waist, around the scar in his chest, tugging at a nipple on the way past, periodically leaning in for open mouthed kisses over his skin. Having to hold his arms over his head makes Jin feel like he is making an offering of himself. The excitement of it makes him tremble. A hand strokes over his stomach, inching slowly towards to the base of Jin’s aching cock, but at the last moment, the fingers lift elegantly away. Jin can barely suppress his wail of disappointment.  
  
“You’re a feast for the eyes Jin, and you’re all for me”. Jin feels Malos’s fingers threaded through the hair on the back of his head and is yanked in roughly for another kiss. He gasps. Malos wickedly stares down at him then suddenly uses his shin to sweep Jin’s legs from under him, controling his helpless collapse backwards onto the bed. Somewhere during that fall, Jin’s body had stopped being his own and had been utterly claimed by Malos. Jin feels powerless and momentarily scared as Malos secures his wrists to the headboard. Any resistance he had left runs away like water, his submission to the powerful man is total.  
  
“Tell me what you want again?” Malos drags his lips over Jin’s throat as he speaks.  
  
“I want …”, Jin is shocked at how his voice shakes, “I want you to fuck me.”  
  
“Go on, tell me more?” Jin is aware that Malos is divesting himself of clothes. Then comes the feeling of skin on skin, it’s overwhelming. For a moment, Jin can’t manage words, they come out as a groan of longing.  
  
“C’mon Jin, you want me don’t you?”, The tone of Malos’s voice is knowing, amused, sexy in his ear. Something inside Jin melts.  
  
“Yes, I, I want you. I want you so much.” Jin gulps. “I want you inside me, I want to feel you…use me.”  
  
Malos kneels between Jin’s legs, and trails a tongue down the smooth chest and belly but stops too sort once again, smiling at the little whimper Jin made. “Hook your legs over my shoulders.” Jin obeys, exposing himself and wonders how much he’s let himself in for. He’s aware of the coldness of lube being applied and the pressure of Malos’s erection teasing his arse. Jin squirms nervously in anticipation, his own cock desperate to be touched but his being needing so much more.  
  
Jin shivers as Malos carefully slides in his cock pausing after the first inch, moving gently to help Jin relax. He holds Jin’s gaze with his shadowed eyes.  
  
“Who do you belong to Jin?”  
  
“I’m yours, Malos, I’m yours to fuuuck.” Jin’s words fall away as Malos slowly and deliberately sweeps his length into Jin, looking at down at the ice blade as he does so. Jin can feel strong thighs pressing against his backside as Malos sinks in. Jin is completely immobile, his wrists lashed above his head, his thighs high up against his chest, and the weight and cock of the dark blade pressing down and filling him out. Jin closes his eyes and hears the guttural moan involuntarily erupting from his own throat.  
  
Malos holds still, “Look at me”, his voice is stern. Jin looks into the grey eyes. Malos smiles in satisfaction. “Keep your eyes on me. I don’t want you going anywhere in that head of yours, you’re mine remember?”  
  
Jin nods, and swallows, arrested by the sight of the dark man’s beautiful face so close to his own.  
  
“Now. What is it you want again?” Malos almost pulls all the way out, staring into Jin’s eyes all the while. Jin does his best to keep meeting Malos’s implacable gaze. “I want you to fuck me.” On the word fuck, Malos slides back into Jin and then stops. It is unbelievably intimate and wholly erotic. Feeling like he is completely at the mercy of the dark blade, Jin realises what Malos wants him to do, and tentatively, slowly, speaks again, “fuck me, please … fuck me,” while staring back into the grey eyes. Each time Malos responds with the longed-for motion. The angst of Jin’s grief and emptiness has been forgotten in this moment by the sheer force of Malos’s presence inside his body and inside his mind. Jin’s stomach turns over in panic and excitement as he realises how much he is willing to give up to Malos.  
  
Is he becoming delirious Jin wonders, as he hears himself whisper words of surrender over and over; “I want you. Fuck me. I’m yours. Use me. Take me. Please.”, all the while staring into Malos’s eyes. The intensity of keeping eye contact while having his prostate grazed on each beat of of his own voice makes Jin want to weep. The sensation is incredible. Malos’s eyes soften and he looks down at Jin with a heart-melting expression of desire. Increasing the speed, Malos starts to surrender to his own pleasure. Jin delights in it and tries to continue repeating wanton desires but all that is coming out of his mouth now are the rhythmic cries and moans that are being deliberately being thrust out of him. Malos looks down at him in triumph.  
  
He catches Jin’s mouth in a kiss and Jin gratefully closes his eyes as he gives into sensation. He feels his cock being deliciously stroked between both their bodies as Malos grinds against him. Jin wishes his arms were untied so that he could throw them around his lover, but the restraint reminds him once again of his submission to Malos’s control. The intensity of being ploughed like this is unbelievable.  
  
Malos slows the rhythm as he nears his moment and Jin feels his face being forced back up. “Look at me!”, Malos gasps. Jin looks up once more and then Malos drives his tongue into Jin’s mouth as he drives his cock deep into Jin’s body. Jin feels utterly consumed. The pulsing of the dark blade’s climax triggers his own and Jin cries out as together they shudder into the sweet contractions of release.  
  
Malos pauses before withdrawing just for a moment. “Jin.” Jin flickers open his eyes and gazes once more into the grey ones, aware that his own will is now a wreckage of debris that Malos has completely swept aside. He feels suddenly weightless as Malos gets up to release him, before flopping heavily onto the bed. Jin throws his arms around him.  
  
The expression on Malos’s face is a mixture of affection and amazement. “Who do you belong to Jin?”  
  
Jin whispers into the dark hair over and over, “I’m yours, I’m yours.”  
  
  
They fell asleep, worn out by sex and emotion. At some point in the night Jin woke in distress and had to jam his knuckles into his mouth so that he wouldn’t wake Malos with crying. The intensity of having connected so completely with another person for the first time since Lora died was just too much to cope with. Having it had been wonderful, and the returning emptiness was like falling down deep into the Cloud Sea, pressure crushing the breath out of him.  
  
He crept out of bed and went to take a shower, but the effort was beyond him and in the end he simply sat under the hot stream, letting the stinging water take his tears down into the drain.  
  
Arms wrapping round him was the next thing he knew. Malos had clambered into the shower and was sat down beside him, smoothing wet hair away from Jin’s face, gently kissing the core crystal in his forehead.  
  
Jin sobbed.  
  
Malos held him. Kissed him, caressed him, washed him like a child. It made Jin laugh through the tears. Then Jin kissed him back and all was heat again, wet skin, hungry mouths, finger nails, hard stroking, and another shattering release. They clung to each other, like children in the rain, not sure which way was home.  
  
  
In the bedroom Malos continued his ministrations, towelling Jin off with tenderness, working his way over the ice-blade’s body with firm strokes and the occasional kiss. Jin felt like he was being worshiped, and he let himself lean into the moment, surrendering to the comforting attention. After towelling himself off as well, Malos climbed back under the covers, “Come back to bed Jin.” Jin was dumbfounded that Malos had been so tender. For a moment he just stood simply looking at the dark hair, the grey eyes, the strong jaw, the mouth so often twisted in a sneer, but now soft and half-smiling. Malos held out a hand, and Jin took it, allowing himself to be pulled down, drawn into another embrace. The dark blade looked down at him with concern.  
  
Jin felt calmer now, “Thank you.”  
  
Malos smiled, “You don’t need to thank me, you’d got lost again and I wanted to bring you back.”  
  
“Got lost?” Jin mused, “Yes that would be one way of putting it.”  
  
“What does it feel like, when you get lost?”  
  
“You really want to know?”  
  
Malos cradled Jin’s face in a hand, stroking a thumb across the ice blade’s cheek, “Yes.”  
  
Jin closed his eyes. “It’s like your heart is being torn in two but the tearing never comes to an end.” Jin felt the big man curl his body protectively around his own. He couldn’t get over how much Malos seemed to care.  
  
“Did it help, us being close?”, Malos brushed his lips over the ice blade’s neck.  
  
“Yes. It was gorgeous. But it was the shock of waking up and the old feeling coming flooding back that I think made it so hard.”  
  
Malos took a deep breath, “If it’s too hard, we don’t have to do this again, if you don’t want to.”  
  
For an answer Jin rolled himself up out of Malos embrace, clambered on top and slid a leg between Malos’s thighs, brushing against the man’s sleeping cock. He dipped his tongue into Malos’s mouth, licking the inside of Malos’s lips with each lap, smiling as he became aware of the cock under his thigh starting wake up. “Got one more in you tonight eh?”  
  
“Fuck, Jin.” Malos exhaled in relief and desire, wrapped his arms around the slender body of the ice blade and pulled him close.


	3. A different kind of ache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malos brushes his lips against Jin’s ear and whispers, “I’m going to make you to obsess about my tongue.” Jin feels sick excitement in his stomach as Malos’s tongue trails around his ear. “I want it to be all that you think about. I want you to ache for it, hunger for it. You can stroke yourself again only when I put my tongue in your mouth. If I take my tongue out, you have to stop. Understand?”

Desperate to atone for the part he played in wrecking Jin’s life, Malos was gratified to discover that for a few moments he could fill the hollowed out angst and bring Jin into the present. But Jin’s passionate submission in the bedroom had been a complete surprise to Malos. Part of Jin felt guilty that he got to forget about Lora just for a few moments, but at the same time, was beyond grateful for the respite. Both were fascinated by the effect they’d had. As they continue on their way to Tantal, the next days were a blurred mix of running the ship, occasionally remembering to eat, and Jin gradually letting Malos climb into his body and mind.

“You still love her. Don’t you?” Malos is lying on his side, looking down at the ice blade.

“Of course.” The haunted look returns.  
  
Malos looks like he suddenly regrets the question, “I guess this can’t last?”  
  
“What do you mean? We’ve had a week together and you’re writing this off?”  
  
“You could get fed up with me or I’ll become common-place to you.”  
  
“I’ve known you for 10 years, it’s a bit late to start worrying about that.” Jin looks at the pensive expression on Malos’s face. “I’m not going anywhere. What’s bothering you?”  
  
“Do you think one day, and I understand that it might not be for ages, you could find it in yourself to love again?” Malos avoids Jin’s eyes.  
  
“Don’t assume that you’re not loved Malos.” Jin’s voice is gentle.  
  
Malos looks stunned, “What do you mean?”  
  
“You don’t need to compete. Do you feel the need to compete with Mik?”  
  
“Of course not. That’s different.”  
  
"And so is this. Lora is literally a part of me now. There is nothing I can do about that. But you are a whole other being. What you did that night…”, Jin pauses, reaches out a hand and strokes the dark blade’s cheek, “What you did that night, all of it, was so much more than I could have thought possible.” He chuckles, “I absolutely let myself in for it didn’t I? You didn’t just fuck my body, somehow Malos you found your way into my head, and then, when I was lost, you reached out to me.” He tilts his head to one side, looking quizzical, “Tell me something, when I submit to you, how does it make you feel?”  
  
Malos smiles hungrily, “Wanted. Powerful, dominant, insanely turned on, but mainly wanted. As much as I love you telling me you belong to me, when you give in to me, I feel like I belong to you. It’s bewitching. I’m completely amazed that you let me do this. What must it feel like for you?  
  
“Hmmn, I guess it’s a bit like throwing yourself willingly into the path of an oncoming wild beast, hoping that being run over will be fun?”  
  
The big man laughs, “And is it?”  
  
Jin looks up brightly, “Oh Malos, it’s glorious! But I have to say, you are far more cerebral than I was expecting.”  
  
Malos is only just holding back a wicked smile. “What were you expecting?”  
  
“That you would be rougher.”  
  
“Would you like that?”  
  
“Perhaps. Would you?”  
  
“Absolutely, but right now I’m desperate to get inside here.”, Malos kisses Jin on the forehead, “I want you to _want_ me.”  
  
“I do want you. I didn’t know I could want you like this.”  
  
“I want you to obsess over me. When we’re together, intimate, I’m desperate for your longing, when you’re beside yourself with desire, begging me for release, that’s when I know you’re completely mine.” He paused thoughtfully. “Actually, if we are going to keep doing this, I’ve decided something.” Malos gently runs his fingers through the ice blade’s hair.  
  
“What?”, Jin looks softly at Malos.  
  
“I’m not going to touch your cock directly anymore.”  
  
“What? Why not?” Jin looks apprehensive. “Do you not want to do that, do you not like it?”  
  
“Not at all, I love it, but I’m determined to make you long for me, ache for me,” Malos is whispering into his hair now. Jin closes his eyes. “So I’m going to have to deny myself.”  
  
“But I want you to touch me so much.” Jin brushes finger tips over the dark blade’s lips. Malos’s closes his eyes for a moment before he stops Jin’s hand.  
  
“I know, that’s the point. In this room, when it’s just us two and no one else - you belong to me remember?” Malos leans back. “I want to torture you Jin. I want to make you obsess over me. Honestly? I crave that far more than your cock.”  
  
Malos underlines the point by flicking the belt on Jin’s trousers. “Get undressed. Now.”  
  
Jin looks speculatively at Malos, wondering where this is going, and if he’s going to like it. In a short moment he is naked, lying on the bed, a firm erection betraying his arousal. He moves in to kiss but Malos ducks his head out of the way, and instead moves down the bed to Jin’s thighs and trails his tongue upwards and inwards. Jin quivers in response, lacing his fingers into Malos’s dark hair. He feels lips work their way up and around his groin, hears Malos breathing heavily, and planting his face so, so close. All Jin can think about is what it would feel like to have that beautiful mouth wrapped around his cock. He can’t help himself and tries to pull Malos closer. Suddenly Malos disengages and grabs Jin by the wrist.  
  
“You’re desperate to be touched aren’t you?”  
  
“Of course”, Jin looks distressed. “Malos, I don’t think I could bear to never be touched.”  
  
“It’s ok Jin, I’ll let you touch yourself, on one condition.”  
  
Jin makes a shuddering exhale, he’s not sure about this either. “What condition?”  
  
“That you only touch yourself in the way that I tell you to. Do you understand?” Jin nods gently. He feels his hand being lifted and placed upon his own hard cock. Malos adds just a subtle amount of pressure before letting go. Jin squirms his hips.  
  
“Now, slow strokes.” Wrapping his fingers around the shaft, Jin slowly starts to draw them up and down, rolling the foreskin over the tip each time. In his excitement he closes his eyes and leans his head back, moaning softly.  
  
“Honestly, I don’t think I’ve seen anything quite as lovely are you are right now, Jin.” Malos watches hungrily for a while, “Stop.” Jin trembles and breaks the motion, looking across in bewilderment. “Wait for me.”, and the dark blade undresses and lies next to Jin. He gathers Jin’s slender form to him, almost cradling the ice blade. Jin feels Malos’s hard cock against his hip, so close to his own.  
  
Malos brushes his lips against Jin’s ear and whispers, “I’m going to make you to obsess about my tongue.” Jin feels sick excitement in his stomach as Malos’s tongue trails around his ear. “I want it to be all that you think about. I want you to ache for it, hunger for it. You can stroke yourself again only when I put my tongue in your mouth. If I take my tongue out, you have to stop. Understand?”  
  
Jin gulps and slowly nods. Malos plants his face in the crook of Jin’s neck, his lips moving softly across Jin’s throat. He takes his time working his way to Jin’s mouth, making him ache for the kiss so that he can continue to pleasure himself. Jin feels nips along his jawline and Malos’s lips approaching the corner of his mouth. He’s never wanted to be kissed so much. Malos closed lips are on Jin’s. Jin feels their softness dragging, and in his desire wantonly trails his own tongue against Malos’s lips, pushing his way in. Malos groans in longing and has to pull away. “Jin you are impossible! Look at me?” Jin’s tries to surface and opens his eyes. Malos’s face is so full of lust, it makes Jin shiver. “You remember what I said about my tongue?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Do you want me?” Malos looks almost uncertain.  
  
Jin lifts up his lovely head and plants kisses on Malos’s jaw, in his neck, on his cheek and with each one whispers, “I want you, I want you, I want you.” Malos moans and reaches down for his own cock. Jin can feel the rapid and urgent strokes against his hip. Jin finds himself pathetically pleading, “Kiss me, fuck, please!”  
  
The longed for tongue finds its way into Jin’s hungry mouth and in relief Jin grasps his own cock as he moans. All too soon Malos stops and Jin miserably wails but to Malos’s satisfaction stops playing with himself. The dark blade returns to teasing at Jin’s neck, still blatantly stroking his own cock. Jin feels like he is being used as Malos’s piece of personal erotica but despite the enforced frustration loves the feeling of being adored by the big man.  
  
Suddenly his mouth is invaded again with Malos plunging in his tongue, and with a groan, Jin gratefully stimulates himself once more. The dark blade keeps stopping and starting - timing his pauses just before Jin becomes too aroused and then as Jin relaxes, resumes his possession of Jin’s mouth. Each time, Jin imagines that Malos has taken his cock into his mouth and marvels at the thought that this is exactly what Malos intended. The realisation that Malos is deliberately climbing into his head scares and excites him in pit of his stomach. Jin’s need heightens into a desperate craving for more contact, he can’t help himself, anxious for more, he rolls himself into Malos’s side and rubs his cock against the big man’s hip, reaching up to clasp Malos’s face as they continue to flick tongues, brush lips and bite jaws.  
  
Malos struggles against his own feeling and pushes Jin away. “Stop.”  
  
“Fuck, Malos, please, I’m so close.”  
  
“It’s ok Jin, come here, between my legs. You can finish us both together.”  
  
Jin pushes his body between Malos’s legs, shaking in longing as he takes hold of both their cocks in hand, pressing them together. Malos swallows, “Wait. Give me your mouth. When I put my tongue in your mouth you can carry on.” They lie still for a moment, faces frozen in an open-mouthed kiss, then Malos slowly slides his tongue in, and Jin moans into his mouth as he starts to stroke them both. Jin abandons himself to the sensation and Malos is swept along with his urgency. They both rock their hips in mutual motion as Jin continues to draw them both to a crest of sensation. Malos climaxes first with a loud groan, throwing his head back, his hands holding Jin’s waist suddenly still. Jin, stranded on the edge of his own climax, obediently waits to resume stroking his own cock. After a short moment, Malos pulls Jin’s face down to his lips and Jin is dimly aware that he started to come the moment Malos’s tongue entered his mouth, and then he is aware of nothing but bliss.

Over the next days Malos only ever used his tongue when Jin was handling his own cock at Malos’s command, all other kisses were teasing and closed mouthed. Jin would chase for his tongue, try and push his own into Malos’s mouth and all the while, Malos would refuse him.  
  
Malos tied Jin to the bed one night and spent ages teasing him, rutting himself against Jin’s body, making him beg, never touching his cock, deliberately frustrating him. When Malos eventually thrust his tongue into Jin’s mouth, Jin was beside himself, pleading for Malos to touch him, to let him come. Elated at Jin’s desperation, Malos had relented, finally bringing him to orgasm by fingering his prostate until the ice blade came hard with a sob, and had then lain there looking beautifully wrecked.   
  
Ever after this, all their future kisses became weighted with intent. Malos was incorrigible. He took to stealing kisses in the snatched moments when he and Jin were alone together, threatening to push his tongue in. It became an incredibly loaded gesture between them. Malos would catch Jin’s eye and subtly lick his own lips, just to watch the ice-blade get flustered. On one memorable occasion, Malos had pushed Jin against the wall of the control room, grinding his thigh into the ice-blade’s crotch, driving his tongue into Jin’s mouth and had actually managed to make Jin come in his pants, before nonchalantly walking away. The job of maintaining his composure when Mikhail had walked back in the room had left Jin almost shaking with effort.  
  
Malos made Jin ache. It was a different kind of ache, a welcome ache. The ache for his tongue, his hands, his skin. Jin could steer his mind away from his loss and pain and instead let himself fall into thoughts about sex, about submitting to his lover. He surprised himself, spending time thinking up scenarios, choosing particular moments to whisper them into the dark blade’s ear, steeling himself for the inevitable onslaught, elated when Malos would ‘run him down’ in his own urgent desire.  
  
In the quietness of night, Jin would still sometimes fall into despair, but now Malos was there to catch him. The man seemed to have endless patience where Jin’s suffering was concerned. Stroking him, listening to him, gently fucking him or simply holding him, Malos would reach out when Jin ‘got lost’ and do his best to help Jin find a way back. Even years later, Malos’s compassion for Jin never waned.   
  
It was wonderful medicine for Jin, for both of them. The atmosphere in the ship felt brighter, reminding them both of the early days when they took care of one another and the young Mikhail. Somehow they managed to tear themselves away from each other while they did the bare minimum to keep things on track. Malos, while leaning over the command centre in the control room, would suddenly feel a hand over his arse and hot breath in his neck. Jin would find arms around him, and Malos’s clothed hard-on rammed between his buttocks while he was trying to prep food in the kitchen. Jin found himself wanting to make beautiful food that they could both enjoy together, and Malos, without being asked, cleared up the maps from the dining hall, and set up a study next to the control room. Whenever they walked past each other, they would let their hands brush as they went about keeping the _Moncerous_ on course.


	4. Wanting whatever you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have you ever thought about me topping you?” asks Jin.
> 
> Malos sits back in surprise, considering, and then a speculative smile spreads over his face. “Ok - but you have to wear your mask.”

A couple of days away from Tantal, while sat in the dining hall after their meal, Malos is aware that Jin is quieter than usual. “What’s up?  
  
“What are we going to tell Mik?”  
  
“Does he need to know?”  
  
“It depends, do you want to carry on?”  
  
“Do you want to stop?” Malos looks suddenly apprehensive.  
  
Jin reaches across the table, and grips tightly onto Malos’s hand. “Please, don’t stop. I, … wouldn’t be able to bear it if we stopped now.” Jin sees relief in Malos’s face.  
  
“I think you are forgetting I waited for you for 10 years. How could I let you slip though my fingers now?”  
  
“When you put it like that.”, Jin lifts his head and smiles, “Perhaps we just say that we’re together now and leave it at that.”  
  
“Although…” Malos looks a little serious.  
  
“What?” Jin’s face is a picture of concern.  
  
“It might be our last chance to play in here for a while?”, Malos looks around the room thoughtfully.  
  
Jin laughs in relief, his blue eyes sparkling. Malos notices that there’s no trace of the haunted look about him tonight. He brings Jin’s hand up to his mouth and trails his tongue along a finger, noticing in satisfaction that Jin makes an involuntary swallow. “We should probably make the most of it, what would you like to do?”  
  
A pause.  
  
“Have you ever thought about me topping you?” asks Jin.  
  
Malos sits back in surprise, considering, and then a speculative smile spreads over his face. “Ok - but you have to wear your mask.”  
  
Why?”, Jin looks at him, puzzled.  
  
“Because you look fucking hard as nails like that, and not like the Jin who lets me take him any way I want.  
  
“Who would I be to you in the mask?”  
  
“The one in charge.”  
  
“Ok. But no hands.” Jin knows that when Malos caresses him, he just melts and this is the only way he stands any chance of maintaining the illusion of dominance.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Absolutely no hands. I could tie them if it helps?”  
  
“No, it’s ok.”  
  
Jin gets up to collect his mask from the end of the table, then sits in a chair, leaning nonchalantly. He shakes his hair out of his eyes, and places the wicked looking mask over his face.  
  
“You look amazing”, Malos says appreciatively. It’s difficult to read Jin’s eyes behind the mask at the best of times but right now he looks positively dangerous.  
  
“Stop pissing around Malos and undress.”  
  
Malos nods, takes off his armour, and shirt, steps out of his boots and finally removes his trousers. He loves that the masked man sitting in the chair is watching his every move. He stands in front of Jin, an erection rapidly taking shape as he stares at the impassive ice blade in front of him. This isn’t his lover Jin, this is the leader of Torna, the freedom fighter, the warrior.  
  
“Kneel.”  
  
Malos kneels. Jin in turn stands, and then deliberately takes off everything he is wearing except the mask. His beautiful slender body looming above the dark blade. Malos realises that he is fully erect now and thinks he can see a wicked glint in the blue eyes. Jin is completely aware of how much Malos lusts after him.  
  
“This mask makes you hard does it?”  
  
Malos smirks and nods. He is thoroughly enjoying this, “What would you have me do.”  
  
“Mouth only.” Malos flicks his eyes up delightedly. “I’m going to fuck your mouth Malos.” There is an almost cruel smile playing on Jin’s lips. Malos exhales in a shudder. “And no touching yourself without my say so, now you can start at my feet.”  
  
Placing his palms on the floor, Malos bows his face to kiss to the narrow feet. Something in him melts, he’s worshiped this man for so long, and now he gets to do it literally. He works his way up Jin’s calf, to his knee but suddenly Jin lifts his leg, places his foot on Malos’s shoulder and shoves him to the ground. “Too fast, start again.”  
  
Malos tries not to chuckle in delight.  
  
“Malos - take that fucking look off your face right now, or you are going to seriously regret it, when I wipe it off with my cock so far down your throat you’ll think you’re the sheath for my katana.”  
  
With difficulty, Malos forces a straight face and starts again, slower this time, kissing, trailing his tongue, nipping his way over Jin’s feet and ankles. He can feel his hard-on throbbing and excitement flipping over in his stomach.  
  
Jin tries his hardest not to laugh, watching the dark blade grovel is a wild combination of hot and hysterical. He starts to wonder if he can keep this up when suddenly pleasure surges through him as Malos’s mouth reaches his thighs. Jin has been aching for Malos’s mouth around his cock for so long, he fears he may not last.  
  
“Want my mouth don’t you Jin?” Malos is bang on the money as usual.  
  
“No topping from the bottom and remember you’re on your knees” Jin reprimands Malos with a sharp nudge of his knee. “If you are going to say anything at all, it’s going to be about how much you want my cock in your mouth, otherwise shut up.”  
  
“Fuck, I really do want your cock in my mouth,” exclaims Malos, “I’ve been dreaming about it for ages.” Jin can’t hold back a groan.  
  
Malos is breathing into the nest of silver hair around the base of Jin’s cock, which is now standing proud.  
  
“Lick, no sucking until I decide.” Jin trembles as Malos drags his parted lips along the shaft, then trails his tongue around. Still heeding the no hands rule, Malos is having to hold himself in an upright kneel, palms on thighs, so as not to hold on to Jin, his position accentuating the delicate laps that he is making around the head of Jin’s cock. The masked blade looks down with absolute want and slowly and deliberately winds his fingers into the dark blade’s hair. Malos looks enraptured.  
  
“Give me your mouth.”  
  
The powerful man, looking up at Jin the whole time, meekly and gently wraps his lips around the end of Jin’s cock. This is the ecstasy Jin has been aching for, and he makes a soft cry. Malos tongues him and moves his jaw forward but Jin fiercely holds Malos still by the hair. “No Malos, I’m controlling the movement - remember?” He can barely get the words out, Malos’s tongue is not at all still, Jin fears his knees may buckle as his pleasure climbs.  
  
Now Jin starts to move, holding Malos’s head firmly, he pushes his cock repeatedly into the big man’s mouth, carefully sliding along the inside of Malos’s cheek. Malos keeps up pressure with his tongue so that Jin feels his hard-on completely enveloped in sensation. For all the threats Jin has made, he has no intention of making Malos gag. He is just loving the incredible feeling of Malos passively, calmly taking it and it’s amazing. Jin picks up the speed and what he sees when he looks down is unbelievable, watching his own cock sliding in and out of Malos’s mouth. Is there nothing that Malos won’t do for him?  
  
Jin suddenly feels he cannot stay upright any longer and has to withdraw, delighted to hear Malos whimper in frustration. He hadn’t appreciated quite how wanton Malos was feeling.  
  
“I have to sit down.” Before he does, he grabs a cushion and puts it on the floor in front of him, then sinks into the chair. Malos almost comes on the spot, he can not believe the view - of a beautiful naked Jin, languidly sitting there with a rock hard cock, still masked. Jin gestures to Malos. “All fours, come here.”  
  
Malos stretches into an all four gait, walking his arms towards Jin like a feline, his well defined muscles rippling as he moves. He kneels on the cushion in front of Jin.  
  
“Play with yourself, while you look at me.” Jin looks imperious in his mask, if a little wrecked. Malos doesn’t need to be asked twice. He obeys, wrapping his hand around his own erection, looking up at the ice blade in hungry desire, breathing heavily, a soft smile on his lips. Jin wonders at Malos’s complete lack of self-consciousness. The dark blade is merely delighting in the moment. Jin can’t wait any longer. “Keep playing with yourself while you finish me.”  
  
Looking his usual, powerful self, Malos wedges his body between Jin’s thighs, and with a familiar touch of arrogance moves forward to spread them apart. “I swear one day Malos, I am going to find a way to crack that composure of youuuurs.” Jin’s words fading because Malos has enveloped Jin’s cock in his mouth once more and slid his lips down the length of it. Jin loses himself to the feeling, the dark blade’s tongue and lips feel so good, the movement governed by the background rhythm of Malos pulling his own cock, all adding to the sensual moment. Jin moans, and rests his hand on Malos head, enjoying the motion as much from his hand as his cock, he’s wanted this for so long and now that it is happening, he is overwhelmed by the gorgeous feeling.  
  
He gently bucks his hips towards Malos’s mouth as he nears his climax and then feels Malos change rhythm to stretch the sensation out as long as possible. Jin groans loudly, so close to the edge and yet caught in the moment of all the heat and sweetness, feeling the dark blade’s head moving, his tongue moving, his body moving as he plays with his cock, all attention on Jin. Malos pleasing Jin, Malos objectifying Jin. Slowly, then all at once, Jin’s orgasm crests and pulses over his whole body in intense waves of hot pleasure. He cries out in shattered groans. Malos takes his mouth away gently, and then pulls himself up the chair so that he can lean in to kiss the ice blade in his mask. With a wicked look he releases Jin’s spend into Jin’s mouth, plunging his tongue in at the same time. Jin tastes the bitterness of it but the whole thing is so erotic, it flips his stomach. Malos firmly strokes his own cock while kissing Jin deeply and then moans into Jin’s mouth as his own climax overtakes him.  
  
Malos slides back down and drops his head on to Jin’s chest while he recovers. Jin removes the mask and sets it aside. He wipes the mess from his mouth and then bends his head to tenderly kiss Malos in his hair, breathing in the heated scent. “Was that what you wanted?” he whispers.  
  
A low chuckle. “I find myself wanting whatever you want.”  
  
A pause.  
  
“Jin?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“You can’t top for toffee.”  
  
Jin laughs, “I know. But it was fun wasn’t it?”  
  
“Fuck, it really was.”  
  
  
They docked in Genbu Port. Jin was always delighted to be reunited with Mikhail, and spent time making one of Mikhail’s favourite meals. He sat contentedly next to Malos in the dining hall, listening to all the news from Tantal, the young man talking excitedly about the places he’d been to and the things he’d found out. Jin didn’t know whether to be irritated or delighted when Malos surreptitiously ran his hand up the inside of Jin’s thigh under the table, while he continued to ask Mikhail interested questions.   
  
Eventually Mikhail ran out of steam and sat back contentedly, pleased to be back home. Then he suddenly looked suspicious, as he took in the situation. “Hang on a minute. Something’s changed.” He glanced sharply from Jin to Malos, and a smile spread across his mouth. “Well about bloody time!”  
  
Malos looked startled, and Jin appeared to need to cough for a moment.   
  
Mikhail seemed to be about to say something more when he paused. He was listening to the sound of the engines.  
“Did either of you think to check the ether manifolds while I was away?” The two blades flicked a sheepish glance at each other. “Did you do any engine maintenance at all?! Oh Architect above! That good was it?” Mikhail rose and stomped off to the engine room.  
  
“Nice to know where our relationship is on Mik’s list of priorities.”, said Malos.  
  
“Indeed,” agreed Jin, “Clearly I was worrying over nothing. I’ll go and make sure we haven’t hurt his darling ship.”  
  
In the engine room Jin found the young man tinkering away “I’m sorry Mik, is everything ok?”  
  
“Yeah - you were lucky, it only needed a bit of tweaking as it turned out.”  
  
“Mik?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“You don’t mind do you? About Malos and me”  
  
The young man laughed. “To think while I was away I kept worrying that you two would fall out.”  
  
“Oh we did that too. But then we made up.” Jin smiled.  
  
Mik grinned, “Why would I mind Jin? Doesn’t everyone want their parents to be in love?”


	5. "lives darkly in my body"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something inside Jin melts, he completely understands that this is something that Malos would gladly do to Jin if the roles were reversed, but has never risked pushing Jin that far. The energy in the room is all wrong.

“What the fuck did you mean by doing that Malos - you didn’t have to kill him!”, Jin looks down at the dead merc in sorrow and disgust.  
  
Malos shrugs dispassionately, “He was asking too many questions about you, I don’t think word needs to get back to Indol that you are still alive.   
  
“That’s as may be, but that was not your decision to make, do you have to be such a loose canon? I have to be able to trust you!”  
  
The verbal fight continues as they make their way back onto the Monoceros. Malos keys the intercom - “Mik, get us out of here, we need to be gone.”  
  
“You’ve got it” comes the reply.   
  
Malos makes a grab for Jin, holds his shoulder and pushes him against the corridor wall, closing in for a fierce kiss. Jin turns his face away while Malos fights to catch his mouth.  
  
“Get off! Malos, I’m not in the mood,”  
  
“Please Jin.” Malos lifts Jin’s jaw a little to be able to kiss the ice blade’s neck and throat.  
  
“I said get off, I’ve had just about enough of you.”, blue eyes flash with hostility behind the mask.   
  
Malos looks devastated, stares at floor, releases Jin, and steps back. “Punish me.”  
  
“What did you say?” Jin looks up at the big man in disbelief.   
  
“Punish me?”   
  
Jin turns to go. As he departs he turns his head back to Malos slightly. “I’ll think about it.”  
  
Malos exhales slowly in relief.  
  
  
That evening after the meal, Jin gets up and as he departs, he bends his head to Malos’s ear. “Naked, in my room, kneeling beside the bed waiting for me. Half an hour.” He exhales into Malos’s hair and then leaves.   
  
Malos lets himself into Jin’s room. Unlike Malos’s chaos of books and maps sliding off every surface, Jin’s room is immaculate. So the collection of objects arranged on the bed are clearly deliberately placed. A collar, restraints - items he’s used on Jin many times. Next to them is a flogger made of soft brown leather. When did Jin get that?   
  
Malos undresses and places his clothes tidily out of the way. He kneels beside the bed, naked and alone. Something inside him quietens. Jin can’t be so completely angry with him or he wouldn’t have responded like this. Malos wonders what Jin has in mind.   
  
The door clicks and Jin is in the room. He is still wearing his mask. He ignores Malos and walks over to his desk, flipping through books and rearranging the already tidy papers. He then straightens up, and with his back still to Malos, holds a graceful hand out expectantly and in a quiet tone, “Collar.” Malos turns to the things on the bed. “Remember, mouth only, no hands.”  
  
Malos leans over and picks up the collar in his mouth, then on all fours, crawls with it to Jin, aware that his erection is becoming evident as he does so. Jin takes the collar and only then turns to look at the powerful man grovelling on all fours. Malos wanting to submit is a conundrum for Jin, suddenly so eager to please. It appears the one thing Malos cannot seem to cope with is Jin’s disapproval. If Jin were a sadistic man, no doubt he could manipulate Malos. Maybe that’s why Malos is willing to be vulnerable - he knows Jin is trustworthy.  
  
Jin sits in the chair and beckons Malos. He places the collar around Malos’s neck, noticing that it has to be fastened slightly larger than when they use it on Jin. It fits quite tightly, Jin threads a finger under just to make sure there’s nothing dangerous going on. The collar is about 2 inches deep and thrusts Malos’s chin up.   
  
“Get the restraints.” Malos crawls back to the bed, and returns with them in his mouth and drops them into Jin’s lap. Jin fastens restraints to Malos’s wrists and ankles. Then he makes Malos kneel again and cross-fastens wrists to ankles behind Malos’s back so that Malos is helpless. Malos looks uncertain about the amount of restriction he’s suddenly experiencing.   
  
“Who am I to you Malos?”   
  
“The one in charge.”   
  
“You seemed to forget that earlier on, didn’t you?” Malos nods. “So why are we here now?”  
  
“So you can punish me.” Malos looks up into Jin’s masked face, he looks so inscrutable.   
  
“I don’t get off on your submission Malos. It doesn’t make me hard. I’m doing this because you seemed to need it. Begged for it. I think sometimes, that your head is as messed up as mine in its own way. The best way you can earn my forgiveness is to fall into line when I need you to. You understand?”  
  
Malos fees uncertain. This feels like an actual dressing down but it’s happening while Malos is naked, trussed up in front of Jin. Malos feels strangely ashamed.   
  
“You’ve got nothing to say?” Jin folds his arms.   
  
Malos swallows stiffly against the collar thrusting up his jaw. “I’m sorry, Jin you deserved better than that.”   
  
“Ancient captains used to flog their disobedient sailors. Can you think of any reason why I shouldn’t flog you?”  
  
Malos gulps, “None.”  
  
“Do you want me to flog you?”  
  
“I, I don’t know?”  
  
“Get the flogger Malos.” With much difficulty, Malos inches on his knees to the bed. It takes him sometime to grasp some of the flogger tails in his teeth and drag it towards him. Then he makes his hobbled way slowly, awkwardly back to Jin. Jin takes the flogger from Malos’s mouth, jamming the end under Malos’s chin, forcing it up even higher, moving his masked face closer. “Do you think I want to flog you Malos?” Malos considers this for some time, then the answer comes, “No, I know you don’t want to flog me. You just want me to trust you.”   
  
“No, I don’t want to flog you.” Jin leans back. “What do you think I should do instead?”  
  
“Would you like to fuck my mouth?” Malos’s voice is soft.  
  
Jin stares down at Malos in surprise. Is Malos offering to be used while he’s restrained? Something inside Jin melts, he completely understands that this is something that Malos would gladly do to Jin if the roles were reversed, but has never risked pushing Jin that far. The energy in the room is all wrong, Jin suddenly makes a decision. Reaching across he grips Malos by the jaw and drives his tongue into the dark blade’s mouth, making the kiss as mean and as hard as he can manage. Malos’s breathing is rapid. As he expected, Jin can see the big guy is completely out of his depth. Has he forgotten the safe-word? Jin knows they have to stop, and whispers into Malos’s ear, “Crystal”.   
  
Malos nods, shuddering in relief. Jin rapidly unbuckles the restraints and the collar and helps Malos rub feeling back into his limbs. He kneels beside Malos and kisses him on the lips. “How about this, I’ll do anything you want in here, if you agree to follow my orders out there, eh?”  
  
Malos throws his arms around Jin and kisses him over and over. “Ah shit, Jin, I hate upsetting you. I can’t bear it when you are angry with me.” He gently lifts the mask off Jin’s face and kisses each cheek. He pushes off Jin’s armour and helps him undress. Malos pulls him onto the bed.   
  
“So you want to tie me up and fuck my mouth do you?” Jin is looking down at Malos with a knowing look. Malos looks back in surprise and then smiles, but it’s obvious he’s embarrassed. Jin runs his fingers through Malos’s hair. “It’s ok, I was starting to wonder why you had never ask me to go down on you, why you kept pulling me away, if I got too close.”  
  
“I’m terrified of losing control Jin, scared I’d hurt you, and if you have your mouth full, how can you safe-word? I’d be constantly worrying.” Malos raises an arm over his eyes, suddenly seeming ashamed. Jin moves up the bed and pulls Malos’s head on to his chest, wrapping his arms around the big man, making shushing noises into his dark hair.   
  
“How long have you been worrying about this?”  
  
“Since we started sleeping together.”  
  
“You’re still scared that you’ll hurt me. Is that why you are always asking me to tell you want I want?  
  
Malos nods, “When you ask me to fuck you, to use you, it drives me wild, and I feel wanted at the same time. It’s wonderful. If you had my cock in your mouth, you wouldn’t be able to do that and you wouldn’t be able to stop me.”  
  
“Do you like it when I groan Malos?” Jin kisses him on top of his head.  
  
“Fuck yes, I love it when you groan, and when you look at me.” Jin chuckles, Malos seems to like an extraordinary amount of eye-contact.   
  
“What if we could agree that if we try this out, while ever I’m groaning, making appreciative noises and have my eyes open, you know that I want you. If I squeeze my eyes tight and go silent, you have to stop. But you have to make sure you keep making eye contact too. Do you think that would be enough?”  
  
Malos moves up to look at Jin, staring at him questioningly, “You want to do let me do this? Really?”  
  
Jin runs his tongue around his own mouth, considering that it may get very sore in the not too distant future. His stomach flips over and he looks at Malos in hunger, trailing a finger around the outside of the dark blade’s core crystal. “Let’s just say, I would be open to testing my limits, he flicks Malos a flirtatious grin and then leans in for a long deep kiss. Malos lets go a big sigh and gathers him in.   
  
A sudden thought makes Jin chuckle, “I wish we’d had this conversation before, I could have tied you to the bed and then just as you thought I was going to flog you, I could have gone down on you instead.”  
  
“Not now I take it?”  
  
“No, not now, why waste perfectly good making-up sex? C’mon you big lunk, just fuck me.”

...

That haunted expression in Jin’s face had returned again. It was never very far away, but Malos could tell that the ice blade was struggling more than usual, getting sucked down into his own thoughts. Jin was always better when he could be in the open air, but now they were on another long haul in the Moncerous, the melancholia was steadily eroding his resilience.   
  
After the evening meal in the dining hall, Malos put his hand next to Jin’s and brushed his little finger on Jin’s hand. This had become their private signal for Malos to demand that Jin come to his room in the evening. Jin was at liberty to refuse - that signal was to ball his hand into a fist. Malos waited. Jin’s hand remained still. Relieved, Malos turned on his heel and left.  
  
Lounging back on the bed, he’d had got absorbed into a book on ancient Tornan history by the time Jin let himself in. The ice blade sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on knees, listless. Malos slung the book aside.  
  
“If you didn’t want to be here you could have safe-worded.”  
  
“No, it’s ok, I want to be here.”   
  
Malos reaches out a hand and Jin takes it and starts his customary stroking of Malos’s fingers. Jin’s hands always look deceptively fragile against his own. Out in the world Jin is so strong and self contained, but when he’s on his own with Malos he yields so readily it brings a lump to the dark blade’s throat. A side of Jin that only he ever gets to see.  
  
Caressing Jin’s face, Malos traces his thumb over the soft lips and then slides his thumb into Jin’s mouth. Jin closes his eyes, swirling his tongue over the intrusion, but makes a little grunt of surprise when Malos hardens his caress into a grip and with his thumb still in Jin’s mouth, drags him by his open jaw up towards the head of the bed. Jin can’t help but follow, being forced to walk on all fours over the bed as Malos pulls him close. When Malos gets rough like this it makes the heart in Jin’s chest pound.   
  
Malos releases Jin’s jaw. “Kiss me like you want me. Hard.”  
  
Jin obliges, crushing his lips against the dark blade’s mouth, driving his tongue in deeply. Malos thrusts his own tongue against Jin’s, elated to realise that Jin is genuinely aroused. Perhaps he’ll be able to climb into the ice blade’s head tonight after all.  
  
Coming up for air, Jin trails his tongue over the outside of Malos’s lips, enjoying how he can make the big man shiver involuntarily when he does that. “Did you want to tie me up again? Spread me on the table and use me as your fuck toy?” Over the weeks Jin has learned that talk like this can provoke a wildness in Malos. In turn Malos has noticed that the more depressed Jin is, the more recklessly masochistic his suggestions become, but Malos isn’t interesting in ploughing Jin tonight, he wants to reach him, bring him home.   
  
“Hmmm”, Malos sighs in pleasure, “While I’m not saying that isn’t fun, it’s not my favourite.”  
  
“Really? You’ve had me fooled. What is your favourite?”   
  
Malos wraps his arms around Jin’s slender form and in one motion rolls them both so that he is now on top and Jin is underneath, the blue eyes looking up at him through the silver-white fringe. Malos makes tender kisses over the ice blades face, “Being able to tell you what to do, knowing that I can ask you to pleasure me in whatever way I want and you just do it. I can’t get over you wanting to please me like that. All that time I spent aching for you and now here you are just offering yourself up. It is the damnedest thing.” Jin says nothing but lifts his head to catch Malos’s mouth with his, threading his fingers though Malos’s dark hair. Malos feels a lurch in his chest, it’s as if Jin is laying himself out on a plate waiting to be devoured.   
  
“Get undressed.” Malos lies back, laces his fingers behind his head and leans against the headboard. “Fuck, I love watching you. It’s like you change from man of steel to wanton little slut right before my eyes.” Jin can’t help himself but smile and obligingly climbs out of his things.   
  
“Undress me.”  
  
Jin sets about divesting Malos of his armour and clothes, covering each piece of newly exposed flesh with laps and soft bites as he goes. Soon Malos is lying naked on the bed, and Jin lies down next to Malos, sighing into the dark blade’s skin. He drags a hand up the big man’s thigh, making a move to play with Malos’s now proudly erect cock. “Hands off Jin, there’s only one thing I want to feel around that tonight.”   
  
Jin shivers in anticipation, “You do want to fuck me then?” His eyes look full of longing.  
  
Stroking his fingers through Jin’s silver hair Malos whispers his instructions, “I want to watch you play with yourself.” Jin nods, he’s gotten used to Malos’s fascination for watching him, and starts to trail his hand downward to his own hard-on. Malos grabs his wrist, “Not so fast, I want to watch, while I have my cock inside you. Now, open your legs.”  
  
Lying on his side, and with Jin on his back next to him, Malos encourages Jin to swing his legs over Malos’s hips. Jin can feel the big man’s hard-on pressing against his backside. Jin swallows as Malos’s slips in lubed fingers, gently widening him. “C’mon Jin, open up for me.” Jin does his best to relax and then gasps as he feels himself suddenly filled with hard cock. He loves the sensation of Malos inside him, it makes him feel less empty, butterflies flitting in his gut every time Malos ploughs into him. But tonight Malos is just lying still. Jin rocks his hips a little and sees the dark blade’s grey eyes watching him, looking blissed out and hungry all at the same time. Jin feels completely at peace, the moment is so gorgeous, he could almost fall asleep like this, but for the fact he is also insanely turned on. “You want me to do all the work tonight do you?” Malos softly nods.  
  
Meeting Malos’s gaze, Jin takes hold of his own cock and strokes his fingers along the length, moaning softly, luxuriating in his delightful predicament. He feels Malos tap him on his hand, “Slowly, make it last”. Jin obeys and slows down. At the same time, the insistent pressure of Malos’s cock inside him fills him with the compulsion to bear down. Malos releases a groan. Jin looks across to see the dark blade reaching up to steady himself against the headboard. Jin pushes against Malos more firmly, and lets out his own groan when he successfully gets in a good position to make sure he’s stroking his prostate against the cock inside him, the delicious feeling making him shudder. He starts to find a rhythm where he can stroke himself in time with the motions of his hips and as he hits the right stride, the intensity overwhelms him and he moans, letting his head fall back, eyes closed in pleasure.  
  
Malos reaches across, slides his thumb back into Jin’s mouth and renews his grip on Jin’s jaw, dragging his face round to look at him. Jin moans, tonguing Malos’s thumb while still grinding his pelvis against Malos’s hips. He can see that Malos is straining to control himself and not move. “You are so fucking adorable Jin, you drive me crazy.” Jin smiles around Malos’s grip on his jaw. “Ah fuck it Jin.” He lets go of Jin’s jaw, and instead slides an arm over Jin’s shoulders, rising to meet Jin’s movement and starts fucking him fast and hard.   
  
The sudden fury sends Jin over the edge immediately and he cries out as his climax rips through him, the dark blade’s thrusting intensifying each pulse he spills. Malos is still some way behind but Jin willingly surrenders to Malos’s possession of his body, the arms holding him, the hands raking at him, the cock driving into him, being wanted, being used, being devoured. Jin becomes wholly invested in Malos’s pleasure, bearing down as the dark blade drives into him, and when Malos finally comes with a strained cry, Jin finds himself groaning in relief. They both melt into the bed in exhaustion.   
  
Malos makes to withdraw but Jin reaches across, “Stay a while”. Malos smiles and stays.

The haunted looks is gone. Jin still wants him. And that is all that matters.


End file.
